10 Horror Films to Watch on Halloween

Halloween is upon us, which seems like an appropriate time to make a list of sweet horror movies to watch. Of course here comes the inevitable disclaimer: it would be too narrowing and stupid to define horror specifically, so all horror sub-genres apply (slasher, comedy-horror, etc...but I won't include thrillers like "Silence of the Lambs" or "Cape Fear" because that just would get complicated). In addition, it would be boring for me (and you) to list horror or Halloween-related films that most everyone has seen or knows about, so I'll try and suggest things that aren't Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Halloween, Friday the 13th, and so on. So without further ado, here's a list of 10 films that range from hilarious to scary to gross to awesome.

10 HORROR FILMS TO WATCH ON HALLOWEEN

10. Tokyo Fist (Shinya Tsukamoto, 1995)



From Shinya Tsukamoto, the man who brought the world Eraserhead's weirder Japanese counter-part, Tetsuo: The Iron Man. What starts out as a love-triangle involving boxing turns into an over-the-top flesh ripping, metal-fusing, mutilatingly violent film. Great fun.

9. Near Dark (Kathryn Bigelow, 1987)



Here's a combined genre film you don't see everyday: the horror western. A gang of vampires parade around the southwest eating, killing, and driving around in an RV. Once you get past the melodramatic bullshit of the beginning, you get to meet a vicious gun-toting band of vampires that includes ancient leader Jesse, as played by notorious 80s hard-ass Lance Henriksen, as well as the boisterous face eating Severen, played brilliantly by a young Bill Paxton. With an obnoxious score by Tangerine Dream. 95 minutes.

8. Phantasm (Don Coscarelli, 1979)



Two brothers discover a mortician who has not only bridged the gap between Earth and the afterworld, but is in need of extracting the brains of his victims. Directed in a artfully stylized and economic manner by 23-year-old director Don Coscarelli, "Phantasm" has remained a cult-classic for the last 25 years. With Angus Scrimm as the now legendary and menacing "Tall Man". With a hauntingly excellent original score that is second best only to some of the Argento/Goblin soundtracks. 90 minutes.

7. Dead Alive (Peter Jackson, 1992)



Peter Jackson does his best Sam Raimi imitation, resulting in a hilarious gore-fest that out does both of the Evil Dead films. The scenario is simple: a dorky young man must defeat a ridiculous army of zombies in order to survive and save his romance with the girl he loves. It's got everything schlocky horror should - laughs, gross-outs, and a scene where the protagonist mows down around 30 zombies in his house with a lawnmower. 97 minutes.

6. Dawn of the Dead (Zach Snyder, 2004)



George Romero gets his face and film shoved up his own ass on this one. Commercial music video director Zach Snyder breathes life into the Romero bore-fest and makes one of the better zombie films in a long time. It's stylish and commercial, but doesn't hold back the violence and gore. Romero die-hards will complain that the "social commentary" has disappeared and so on...but who cares -- Ving Rhames totes a fucking shotgun the whole way through this one. Killing zombies in the mall has never been more entertaining. Includes a great scene where the group of protagonists snipe the heads off zombies in the mall parking lot while a lounge cover of Disturbed's "Down With the Sickness" plays. 100 minutes.

5. Nosferatu the Vampyre (Werner Herzog, 1979)



Werner Herzog updates the F.W. Murnau classic, which is basically a telling of Bram Stoker's "Dracula". Follows the original film closely, and opts for mood and creepiness over the obvious move towards gore. Props to Murnau and Max Schreck, but Herzog and Kinski take the cake on this one. 107 minutes.

4. Deep Red (Dario Argento, 1975)



Argento's finest achievement. A slasher mystery made with elegance and grace. Pianist Marc Daly (David Hemmings, who looks strangely like George Clooney) watches a murder of a psychic while hanging out with his drunken friend in the middle of town and begins his investigation. Argento constructs some of the most stylish and horrifyingly brutal deaths in this one, not limited to drowning a woman in scalding water and shoving a man's face into the corner of a table repeatedly, which is all done without getting sloppy or cheesy. The soundtrack by Italian prog-rockers Goblin is worth the price of admission alone. 98 minutes.

3. The Fly (David Cronenberg, 1986)



What's a horror list without Cronenberg? That's right, nothing, and if I wasn't being so democratic he'd have found his way on here more than once. "The Fly" is Cronenberg's most successful and popular film, and contains all of his classic elements -- intelligence, off-beat humor, science, gore, and repulsive body transformation. About a man who slowly and painfully turns into a giant fly. Jeff Goldblum's rambling, sympathetic, and funny performance as Seth Brundle is an unforgettable one. 97 minutes.

2. Re-Animator (Stuart Gordon, 1985)



Based on the story by H.P. Lovecraft, two medical students create a serum to revive the dead. Of course they didn't plan on the dead returning as blood-thirsty zombies. Jeffrey Combs' turns in a cult-worthy performance as the nerdy med-school lunatic Herbert West, and David Gale (who looks like John Kerry) shines as headless Dr. Hill With great gross outs and humor - and don't turn away when the decapitated Dr. Hill-zombie attempts to perform oral sex on a woman while holding his severed head in his bloody hands, it's genius. 86 minutes.

1. The Thing (John Carpenter, 1982)



John Carpenter's sci-fi horror masterpiece about a crew of Americans in Siberia who come across an ever-changing alien life-form that aims to destroy everything. The film is deliberately slow paced and uses this to create an uneasiness and sense of terror that is overwhelming (complimented by the Ennio Moriconne score that is nothing but a couple bass notes repeated). If there was ever the perfect argument against CGI, this is it -- Rob Bottin's animatronic special effects are unbelievably scary and disgusting. When shit gets out of control, this film has no peer. With Kurt Russell as the hard-ass helicopter pilot MacReady, Keith David as the hard-ass black guy Childs, Wilford Brimley as the hard-ass scientist, and chillingly cool cinematography by Dean Cundey. 108 minutes.

(Music to write to: Slayer - Reign in Blood. Obviously)

Altered States (1980)

Altered States (Ken Russell, 1980)

Rating: C+



William Hurt made his impressive film debut as Professor Eddie Jessup in this wordy melodrama about a Harvard scientist who experiments with hallucinogenic drugs in an attempt to regress genetically in order to exist the beginning of life. Jessup becomes obsessed with experimenting with drugs and isolation chambers, destroys his marriage and family, becomes increasingly distant and out of his mind, and even travels to Mexico to trip out on mushrooms with some natives. It's a film about the search for and discovery of the creation and existence of life, which turns out to be the scariest thing in the world. The film boasts some incredible mind-fucking hallucination scenes, but the inbetween is a sluggish mess of pseudo-intellectual garbage, one dimensional supporting characters and acting which is comparable to bad British theater. Roger Ebert said in his review of the film, "I wouldn't advise trying to think about it very deeply." -- which is a huge problem, since it's a film that is begging to be taken seriously and make a profound statement (though if it's not Russell certainely did a poor job). In addition to the awesome psychadelic freak-out scenes it includes a terrific scene in which Hurt is genetically mutated into a primal ape-like being and runs to the zoo and eats a sheep. Directed with a wooden touch by BBC veteran Ken Russell, starring Blair Brown as the often naked and anthropologist wife, Bob Balaban as the quiet but loudly bearded assistant, and Charles Haid as the obnoxious and yelling "this isn't right" character who is terribly annoying. Adapted by Paddy Chayefsky ("Marty") from his novel of the same title. 102 minutes.

7-0, nine more to go

I spent the majority of the weekend attending Halloween parties and drinking whiskey, which ended in glorious fashion at Soldier Field today as the Bears rolled over the 49ers with a 41-10 victory. Thus, I haven't posted anything. I've got a backed up queue of films to review however, so this week you (my faithful readers) can look forward to reviews of:

"Altered States"
"Masculine Feminine"
"Stealing Beauty"
"Kicking and Screaming"
"The Prestige"
"The Departed"

...and maybe more. Bulls season starts in two days, so get excited. Cheers.

(Music to write to: Yo La Tengo - I Can Hear The Heart Beating as One)

Calvaire (The Ordeal) (2006)

Calvaire (The Ordeal) (Fabrice Du Welz, 2006)

Rating: B



Calvaire is the story of Marc Stevens (Laurent Lucas), a lounge singer who gets lost in the back woods of Belgium after his van breaks down. Shortly after he is taken in by Bartel (Jackie Berroyer), a creepy old man who has a house in the woods (and promises Marc help). But sooner than you know it Bartel has knocked out Stevens with a car battery, lit his car on fire, shaved off half his hair, put him in a dress, and started calling him "Gloria" despite insisting that "I'm Marc Stevens, not Gloria." Calvaire translated into English is "The Ordeal" -- and that's putting it lightly. It ought to be called "A Huge Fucking Strange and Bloody Ordeal". The film is Deliverance and Texas Chainsaw Massacre with an overdose of French surrealism and horror. And it doesn't stop with Stevens' run in with Bartel -- it seems that everyone in the woods is out of their fucking minds. Directed stylishly by Fabrice Du Welz, Calvaire is a strangely entertaining and bizzare film experience. It's hard to watch at times, but keeps you waiting in anticipation for what will come next. Though a bit too short and hollow to be a great film, Calvaire is one of the better horror films that has come out recently (which also includes fellow Frenchman Alexandre Aja's High Tension). Including an excellent scene where Stevens is strapped down in a chair crying while Bartel is cutting off his hair with an odd razor-type device. With Jean-Luc Couchard as Boris, a peasant searching for his cow, a creepy score by Vincent Cahay, cinematography by Benoit Debie. In French. 94 minutes. Color.

The film, which was made in 2004, was initially released in the US in August of 2006 and has been showing on IFC -- but is also showing this weekend at Facet's Multimedia, for those Chicagoans who are interested.

Man Bites Dog (1992)

Man Bites Dog (C'est arrivé près de chez vous) (Remy Belveux, Andre Bonzel, and Benoit Poelvoorde, 1992)

Rating: A



Not for the faint of heart. 1992's Man Bites Dog is a fake documentary and was made by a trio of Belgian film students who wrote, shot, and star in the film. It centers around the exploits of Benoit, a cold-blooded, smirking, loud-mouthed serial killer, played wonderfully by Benoit Poelvoorde. His murders are shown through the documentary footage of the film crew composed of Remy (Remy Belveux), Andre (Andre Bonzel), and the always revolving sound guy. The filmmakers eventually become close with Benoit to the point of him acting as the film's producer, while Remy and Andre become willing participants in the horrific acts taking place. The contradictary nature of Benoit is the jewel of the film, as he continually defends his killing through practicality while complaining about the decline of culture every step of the way. I suppose it's called Man Bites Dog because Benoit's actions are pathetic and simple -- he only kills the helpless and undeserving (biting the dog, as opposed to the more standard dog biting man, duh). Man Bites Dog works as both a satire on filmmaking and a critique of media culture at the same time. It's a haunting, often brutal, and hysterical look at the life of a psychopath and two filmmakers. Made with the perfectly "dirty" touch and plenty of loud-as-fuck sound effects to go around. 95 minutes. B&W.

The Sheltering Sky (1990)

The Sheltering Sky (Bernardo Bertolucci, 1990)

Rating: D+



Based on a supposedly great novel that I've never read, Bernardo Bertolucci's 1990 film The Sheltering Sky is the tale of three American intellectuals who travel to northern Africa in the wake of World War II. The group is composed of Porter (John Malkovich, who gives an excellent performance), Kit (Debra Winger), and Tunner (Cambell Scott). Porter and Kit are married, though their relationship is obviously strained. They are all proclaimed "artists" yet participate in nothing of the sort. They are narcissistic and, and engage in questionably slothful and activities, which isn't limited to Porter having sex with an African prostitute and Kit getting blacked out on champagne and fucking Tunner. The motivation for their trip isn't explicit, though it seems to be driven by their desire for exotic new experiences -- unfortunately all they find is the harsh reality of a world that doesn't care and is filled with bad food, thieves, flies, disease, death, and so on. Bertolucci attempts to portray their lost sense of reality in juxtaposition with the uncompromising African landscapes and culture, but Kit and Porter are so delusional and shallow that it is difficult to care at all. The film takes a drastic turn when Porter dies of typhoid nearly 2/3 of the way through the film, and Bertolucci uses the last 25-30 minutes to let Vittorio Storaro whip out and measure his cinematic dick with unecessary travel sequences and shots of stunning African sunsets. Sometimes great director's make bad films, and this is one of them. With Jill Bennet and Timothy Spall as the strange mother/son couple lurking around Africa in a Rolls Royce, Eric Vu-An as Belqassim, original score by Ryuichi Sakamoto, based on the novel by Paul Bowles. 138 minutes.

Welcome to the tite

hi.